Darkness
by mercymia
Summary: Mercedes lets the darkness take over her


**Disclaimer: I do not own Glee**

**AN: Also, I wrote this listening to Breathe Me In by Sia, so I think it's good song to have in the background. **

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><p>Mercedes felt her world crashing down around her. She had pushed everyone so far away, that she was adrift a sea, with no way of coming back. She had left everything she knew and felt no remorse about it. There had been so much leading up to this point, this point of desperation, but what those events were she had no idea. All she knew was the darkness was coming and she was going to let it take her.<p>

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoo

Mercedes saw the leaves around her moving and knew that the winter wind should have made her colder than she was. She kept her focus ahead though, trying to make it to her destination without getting too scratched up, though the pain from the injuries would have been a nice relief from the numbness. As she marched further and further into the woods, she thought of the people she had left behind. Shane had tried to be a good boyfriend and tried talking to her. He had noticed something was off for a while, but Mercedes refused to acknowledge that there was a problem. Kurt mentioned something in passing, but she had learned to ignore his comments. He had Blaine and Rachel, no more room for Mercedes. Santana attempted to discover what was wrong and Mercedes was close to breaking down, but decided against it, not wanting to leave herself vulnerable to another person again. But when Quinn tried to talk to her, Mercedes had never felt so low.

_"Mercedes?" Mercedes didn't move. She had heard the shoes of Quinn Fabray walk up and there was a reason she ignored them. She stayed seated on the bench facing the playground; her eyes focused on the kids running around playing, jealous of their happiness. Quinn moved closer, placing her hand on Mercedes shoulder. She still didn't move._

_"Mercedes, answer me. Acknowledge that you hear me, please…" Still looking at the children, she exhaled._

_"What do you want Quinn?"_

_"I want you to talk to me."_

_"About what? There's nothing to talk about."_

_"You quit the glee club, then quit Shelby's club. You've lost an unhealthy amount of weight; I know you haven't been eating. Your grades are slipping, you never smile. Your parents told me –"_

_"You talked to me parents?"_

_"They were worried about you. You don't sing anymore, you don't even speak to them anymore. They wanted to see if a friend knew what was wrong, so they called me." Mercedes turned her face to Quinn's._

_"A friend," she scoffed._

_"What?"_

_"God, blondes really are stupid. ME AND YOU ARE NOT FRIENDS." Quinn leaned back at her exclamation. Mercedes saw the hurt in her eyes, she recognized it. She had been feeling that same hurt for so long. She saw that look every time she glanced at the mirror._

_"But…"_

_"Quinn, really? This is the first time you've talked to me in the past year and half. I was there for you, I helped you work through your pain and I would've kept helping, but you chose to ignore me. You were my best friend. You lived with me for Christ sake! My family was your family and you threw it out the window for some dumb uniform." Mercedes felt the words rolling off her tongue but she couldn't stop it. There was a part of her brain telling her to be quiet, that she could destroy any hope of a relationship between her and Quinn to ever happen again, but she was so hurt._

_"I just wanted to be normal," Quinn whispered._

_"Well guess what? You became even more messed up! So don't try coming up to me, trying to be a friend to count on. Don't try to help me when you can't even help yourself! You've abandoned me and so many other people time and time again. You're nothing. I'm surprised Shelby wants you in Beth's life, all you'll do is abandon her again." Mercedes was appalled at herself for what she just said and Quinn looked just as shocked. Mercedes was pretty sure that Quinn would have slapped her if it wasn't for the fact that Mercedes would have destroyed her. Mercedes thought about apologizing, but really she wanted to be left alone and this was the best way to do it. Mercedes watch as Quinn wiped a lone tear from her cheek and stood up. Mercedes turned her attention back to the playground, not wanting to face the person she hurt._

_"I know you didn't mean that. I know you're just pushing me away. I'll be here when you're ready to talk." Mercedes listened to Quinn's footsteps walk away, but never once did she watch her. She didn't want to watch someone else walk away from her. She sat on that bench for another three hours, letting the winter air hit her face, making the tears she was crying ice cold, but still she felt nothing._

The sound of a police siren brought her back from her thoughts. She bulled her coat around her tighter, continuing her journey through the woods. It was pitch black and though she had a flashlight, it was off; she didn't need it. She had memorized every step to this dirt path and the full moon lit her path. She had taken this path every day for the past six months. Mercedes pushed through the shrubbery and saw the opening. It was a small clearing, but it meant the world to her. She pulled out the two blankets that she had in the backpack she was carrying and laid one down on the grass. She took a seat, facing Schoovner Lake, wrapping herself in her blanket to protect herself from the chilling nighttime air.

Another siren echoed lightly through the woods. She knew they were probably looking for her, they had to be. But they were never going to find her. They've probably informed everyone in glee club about her disappearance, and probably told them to let the police know if they heard anything from her, like she would ever count on them. Mercedes looked at her watch, using the moon as a light. 1:34 AM, she had already been gone for almost 24 hours. She was genuinely surprised with herself. She always thought she would never run away from home, but if she did it would only be for a few hours. She used to never think that she would be selfish enough to cause her parents to worry about her for that long. But the Mercedes Jones who thought that was not the Mercedes Jones currently sitting at a lake in the middle of winter. _What had happened to her_? Mercedes racked her brain for an answer to the question. The Mercedes Jones sitting on the edge of this lake in the middle of the night felt nothing. No sadness, no hate, no anger…just nothing. She didn't know when it started or how it started. She just knew that the way she was_not_ feeling was not alright and she felt she had no one to call on. She wanted to go back to the times when she was happy. When she didn't feel the need to act out when people weren't listening to her. To a time when being a friend meant everything. To a time when she felt something.

Mercedes felt the cold sting of the wind against her tears, but the hollowness of her chest was always there to remind her that she had no emotions; that those tears came from somewhere else. She continued to gaze over the water. It looked calm, almost inviting. She began to think about the times she had spent at this lake, in this spot. She remembered being happy then. The warm waves brushing over her skin, the sweet picnics, her first kiss. She pushed the memories backed, feeling like she was defiling them. She felt nothing in remembrance of those things, when she should've felt unstoppable. The winter winds caused small ripples on the lakes surface that continued to call out to Mercedes.

Mercedes stood up and took the blanket of her shoulders. She leaned over and unzipped each one of her boots. She kicked them off on the blanket as she grabbed for the scarf around her neck. She unzipped the jacket she was wearing, tossing that one the ground. She began walking towards the edge of the water, taking off the rest of her clothing until she reached the water's edge. She was down to her bra and underwear. Her skin prickled against the cold air and she instructively wrapped her arms around her. She took a deep breath in and took a step forward. Once her foot was in the water, she quickly took it back out. She knew the water was going to be cold, but it was like ice against her skin.

_Why am I doing this?_ Mercedes really had no idea. Maybe the coldness of the water seemed like it would match the coldness of her soul. Maybe having the water wash over her was a new start. Whatever the reason, she was going to do this. The water called out to her and she need to be in it. She began walking into the water again, ignoring her body's reaction to turn around. She took more steps until the water was in the middle of her chest. Her breath had become shaky and she had trouble inhaling and exhaling, but she continued to take steps until finally she allowed herself to go under. The coldness squeezed her lungs, she exhaled under water. Her body forced her to come up for air, but when her head came out of the water, it hurt to breath. She tried catching her breath as she kept walking deeper into the lake. She struggled for air as the water rose against her body; her body was shaking in the water. Her vision began to blur and she realized that she was getting ready to pass out and one thought came to her mind.

_I don't care._

She let the darkness come over her and let her body sink into the lake, letting the cold waves wash over her. She sank deeper and deeper into the darkness until she truly felt nothing.

OoOoOoOoOo

Mercedes eyes shot open and she was looking at a ceiling. She felt warm, almost hot. She looked down at her body, seeing that it was wrapped up in blankets. She bolted out up and immediately winced in pain. She began to pull back the layers of blankets and saw the needles, leading to IV's sticking out of her. The sudden movement made her a little dizzy and she took amount to take regain her composure. When her head stopped spinning, she began looking around the room she was in. Obviously she was in a hospital, but how'd she get here? The last thing she remembered was being in the water, but how'd she get out? How did somebody find her? Who found her? She looked at the two cots placed beside her bed and saw her mother and father lying there peacefully. Her mom was holding on to the teddy bear she had bought Mercedes when she was eight and even though Mercedes felt too grown for it at the time she kept it to make her mother happy. She noticed the tear stained cheeks and Mercedes felt a twange of guilt. _Maybe a near death experience reawakens emotions. _Her father was holding on tightly to her mother, like he never wanted to lose her. Mercedes noticed the chair sitting on the other side of the bed and wondered who was sitting there. A jiggle of the door handle caught Mercedes attention and she quickly laid back down and closed her eyes, hoping that no one would noticed that she was awake.

She heard the door open and listened as footsteps neared her bed. The person was alone and wasn't saying anything. The person's footsteps sounded like they were heading over to her parents. This was confirmed when she heard the person whisper and her parents got up. They walked over the door and exited. The footsteps walked over to the other side of the room where the chair was and then came closer to her, until she was sure that the person was right next to her bed. The person laid their hand against her cheek. Mercedes was sure it was a man because it was so large. It felt nice to have someone touch her so affectionately. She had to stop herself from smiling. The person sighed and she felt his body get closer to hers. She had to remember to keep breathing. She had no idea who this was and they were entirely too close to her. Then the person laid his lips gently against hers and as quickly as they were there they were gone. Her heartbeat raced, recognizing those lips. One syllable left her mouth.

_Sam_

Her eyes shot open and brown eyes met green ones. He looked shocked, probably as shocked as she did. He didn't saying anything at first and they just stared at each other, like the other wasn't real. Finally he exhaled,

"Cedes." He leaned down again and wrapped her in his arms. Mercedes grabbed a hold of him. Ignoring the tugging pain she felt in her arms. Quiet tears began streaming down her face and she felt Sam's on her shoulder.

"I thought I'd lost you." Mercedes body began to quiver against his and he held tighter. She allowed his body to consume hers, feeling all the emotions that she hadn't felt in the past six months. Her body continued to shake but she didn't care. She grabbed tighter onto Sam, letting her tears stain his shirt. She inhaled his summer scent bringing back the memories that plagued her mind at night. She then realized that it was in fact Sam that was holding her and he wasn't supposed to be here, he was supposed to be in Tennessee. No matter how bad she didn't want to, she pushed away from his shoulders.

"Why are you here?" Mercedes noted the tone of her voice that she was using; she couldn't control it though. Sam was taken aback by her harsh tone, but he didn't seem hurt.

"I was on the phone with Mike when he found out you were missing. I drove me dad's truck from Tennessee to help with the search. I searched for about 12 hours straight and after and 8 hour drive, the search team told me to take a rest. You're parents told me I could stay with them so I drove back to your house. Before I went to bed I stopped by your room. It had been so long since I had been there. I missed it so much. The blanket you gave me after prom had lost your scent so I laid down on your bed, to just remember your it. When I inhaled, it hit me. Our spot. I got there as fast as I could and saw the blanket laid out. I thought maybe I already missed you and maybe you were on your way back home until I saw your clothes. I followed them to the water's edge and then I looked and saw you. You disappeared under the water. I jumped in and swam after you, hoping I could find you in the darkness. I found you and pulled you back to shore. And then carried you back to my car and now we're here. You've been unconscious for three days." Sam's eyes shined with worry.

"You stayed here for three days?"

"Of course." Sam stated like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"The rest of your friends are in the lobby. You're parents ran downstairs to get food. They've been here to. Shane's out there too, but your parents wouldn't let him in, said that the only person who deserved to be in here was the person who found her." It was no secret that Mercedes' parents didn't like Shane, they had always preferred Sam.

"Mercedes, what happened out there? It was 15 degrees outside and even colder in the water. You could've died." Mercedes turned her eyes away from the boy in front of her, she felt ashamed.

"The darkness seemed so appealing. I felt nothing and in the darkness there was nothing." She heard Sam's breath hitch, he didn't say anything. He just stared at her. Mercedes, not wanting to deal with his piercing green eyes, spoke, putting her defenses up.

"Why did you come? I haven't heard from you in six months. You moved and just seemed to disappear." Mercedes said with the harshness back in her tone. Sam seemed to contemplated his response before he sat down on the bed with her and went to grab her hand. She pulled away at first, but then let him grab it.

"I know you haven't heard from me in so long, but believe me I never stopped loving you. Once I saw that you were in a relationship I decided to back off, let you live your life without our past hanging over it. But when I found out that you were missing, my heart couldn't take it. I needed to make sure you were safe. Mercedes, I will always be connected to you and I've been so lost without you. My life has seemed meaningless without you around." Mercedes breathed in his words. His hand cupped her face and Mercedes leaned into it, remembering all the other times he had done this. She tried to force the feeling of warmth into her memory.

"But I knew I was going to be okay as long as you were happy and safe and you seemed to be neither." She inhaled and closed her eyes. She felt her bottom lip quiver and a single tear run down her cheek. She opened her eyes, losing herself in his.

"I haven't been happy since you left." The realization hit her as soon as it left her mouth. Sam is what had changed. During those few months they were together she was invincible, but without him she was a shell of her former life. She had tried to fill the void with Shane and being the star, but none of that mattered; not when her heart was so far away.

"No matter what it takes, I'm never leaving you again" and he pulled her in again and she began to sob even harder. He held her as she cried. Held her as her family returned. Held her as her parents came back into the room. Held her when the doctor came in to check up on her. Held her when she stopped crying. Held her as the glee club came in; held her when she broke up with Shane. And as Mercedes drifted to sleep that night in Sam's arms, she realized that parts of her were still numb, but Sam's love was bringing them back to life and as long as he was there to hold her she knew she would never let the darkness swallow her again.

"Never let me go?" she whispered.

"Never."


End file.
